I’m a pessimist no doubt. I was a pessimist long before I knew what one was. It’s a trait I was born with, and much to my disappointment, although I have shown improvement, it’s a characteristic I have been unable to shake. It’s unattractive and distracting.
When I was in fourth grade I was having trouble with one of my teachers, Mrs. Potillos. She thought I was a troublemaker. I thought I was well behaved for a fourth grader. Many of my elementary school teachers praised my maturity. One day I went home crying to my mom.
“What’s the matter hubs?” my concerned mother asks.
“Mrs. Portillos!” I immediately blame for my being upset.
“Why, what did Mrs. Portillos do?” my mother asks.
“She called me a tessimyst!” I ball.
“You mean a pessimist? Do you know what that is?” my mom chuckled realizing the situation wasn’t severe.
This is a perfect example of how my pessimism has permeated my being. I had no idea what the word meant. But I automatically assumed it was bad. In fact I thought for sure it was insulting, and possibly a cuss word that should never be uttered. I assumed Mrs Portillos said something so mean it should send me crying to my mom. And I have had a part of some pretty evil cut-down contests and name calling on the blacktop by this time.
My pessimism is something I hate about myself. It infiltrates nearly every aspect of my life. This is not to say that I am a drag, a downer, or a cynic. I’m a pretty fun guy, at least I think so. I’m sometimes funny, and enlightening and generally happy and smiling. Cynicism bugs the shit out of me. And I’m not pessimistic all the time, but pessimism is my natural default. My tendency is to live life with an emphasis placed on the worst case scenario. You may say to yourself, “well, you must always be prepared then.” Yes, more often than not I’m prepared.
But this outlook impedes on my ability to take risks. It used to impede my ability to be passionate, fortunately years of practice has gotten me over that. That sounds funny – that I had to practice passion – but it’s true. I think that if you look close enough you’ll find that you have practiced it too. I takes a lot to put all of yourself into something and hope for the best. But God it’s beautiful when you can!
3 Comments
Every time I think of Optomists vs. Pessimists, I think of something I once said about my mom, which she has never been able to live down. An optomist says the glass is half full. A pessimist says it’s half empty. My mom just looks in the glass and bellows: allright, dammit, who the hell drank half my water??!!
That’s funny Allison. I think I am both depending on the situation. I do the same thing and always think about what the worst that can happen is. Usually when I think of it that way, the worst doesn’t sound so scary anymore and I can just get on with life.
Always leave yourself an exit stragtegy…
I try to make sure I prepare for the worst while hoping for the best. I call it pragmatic realism.