I wish I had these things currently in my posession:

A transporter pod
25 hours in a day
Professional public speaking skills
A free lunch
More closet space
A box of confidence
A few extra dollars in my bank account
A large bee (in a jar) that spread love everywhere it went
A maid

Late last night I went outside to have a cigarette. Around the corner from the entrance of my apartment building there are a couple of benches that sit underneith a large tree that provides protection from the sun, rain and stars. I sat on one of these benches and stared into the street. From out of nowhere (in fact thinking back upon it, it seems he just sort of appeared) comes a skinny, older, man with a gap in his two front teeth, a startched white oxford, shiny black shoes, and a nice hat. He asked me if I would sell him acouple of ciggs. Of course I abliged. He sat down on the other bench. We both lit our smokes off the same match and he pulled the filter out of his. He told me about his brother and sister, his mom with alzhiemers, his relationship with god, the fist time he got laid, his job and how he got it, who he appreciates and why. He told me his name was Greg but all his fellas call him Magic. I told him my name.

Apparently in Korea is has become a fad to get out your digital camera and pose as a corpse. What fun!

More here

I need to get a move on. It starts tonight. I’m really gonna get shit done. No really.

On Friday I went out to a local bar because I had some tokens for free beer and I was just gonna sit at the bar for an hour and write my toast for Lebers wedding. I got a bit written then started talking to this guy who sat down next to me. He got sacked that day and was looking to get drunk and yell at whoever would listen. He was a pretty funny guy though and was entertaining for a while. We played foosball untill he got so drunk I wasn’t able to understand him any longer. I then sat at the bar for an hour while this girl used me to keep other guys from hitting her. I’m as sexually threatening as your grandma. I also got a late night phone call that made my head swim in warm fuzzys and knotted my sheets with reeling.

I woke up early on Saturday and went over to A.P.’s. We fixed early morning bloody mary’s and waited for some other friends to show up. I never ate dinner on Friday so I never really sobered up. We then went and played in the BDA tournament. I played all right. Much better than last time. I really think a good buzz and a scramble does wonders for my game. After the tournament we sat around and drank beer for a while. I took a quick nap when i got home and then went to my local bar and drank red bull and vodkas and chatted up whoever happened to sit down next to me.

I slept in on Sunday and laid on the couch, a complete puddle of goo from the last two days. A little sunburnt and really thirsty. Then I went of to pick up my brother and his girl and we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and picked up a couple gifts for my mom. We gave her a yoga carrying case and a bath kit. I didn’t think that either of the presents were all that great but she got real excited about them. I think she’ll like the earrings best. We had shish kabobs that turned out delish. We also watched About Scmidt which I don’t think I liked but kinda did in a weird way, every character was somehow acutely pathetic and only semi-likable. I need to watch it again and pay more attention to it. Happy 56th Mother Figure.

I just about exploded eating wings last night. They were the good kind. I’m kinda picky about my buffallo wings. The have to be cripsy, none of that soggy crap. I like ‘em so the skin crunches a little bit. And the sauce has to be good too. I don’t want it to be on fire but they have to bite back. Also, any of you pussys out there using ranch instead of blue cheese to dip with, you can leave right now. I prefer to have about one celery stick for every wing too, but I’m a little more flexible on this point.

I’m getting lazy. Actually, I’ve been lazy, but it’s really starting to show. Last night I went to the grocery store but was too lazy to fix a dinner. I was so lazy last night I couldn’t even order pizza for dinner. I had four bowls of salad instead. I finished of about three-fourths of one of those bags of salad.

And I didn’t even wash the bowl.

I’m back from my road trip/vacation/camping trip/concert/wedding extravaganza. OK well i just old you eveything I did but if you want some more details read below (times are approximate).

A funny thing happened at lunch today. I was sitting in the little fast food restaurant eating my naked burrito. To my right, on the other side of the restaurant about 30 feet away were an EMT and his girlfriend (poor girl, doesn’t she know her man’s gonna get all/is all fucked up on human tragedy and access to free pharmaceuticals). Now the EMT and his girl were really enjoying each others company - feeding each other, reaching across the table and caressing each others lips and faces, and eventually leaning across the table for long soft kisses. And they did it with no shame, aware that everyone knew what they were doing.

Next to the couple about 15 feet away were three girls in there early twenties. The one in the middle could not stop staring and the affectionate EMT and his equally affectionate girlfriend. I couldn’t quite tell from her face whether she was revolted, turned on, or simply intrigued by this display. So I stared at her.

As soon as I got her attention (which took a while cause she was so involved with this other couple) I made a little smirk. She stared at me for a second probably ashamed/wondering about how long I had been watching her for and thus knowing how long she had been watching the couple. I made a quick glance at the couple and then back at her and flashed a big knowing smile. Meanwhile the EMT realized what was happening. She then shyly smiled, blushed, and kind of flustered her hands around trying to find something to do. Her two friends who had noticed the couple and me, but hadn’t been blatantly staring, then caught on then and started laughing at her. With embarrassed giggles they quickly picked up their stuff and left.

The EMT the leaned over to his girlfriend. Having her back to me, she turned her head over her shoulder to look in my direction. When she realized whom her boyfriend was talking about she made a big smile towards me and the EMT leaned over and gave me a huge thank you smile. I laughed out loud and then buried my head in my book wondering how six people had such a full and awkward conversation without actually saying a word.

After work on Friday I rushed out to India’s Restaurant to meet Ray and her boyfriend for Ray’s birthday. I failed to bring any sort of gift for Ray. But fortunately there are people in my life who treat me better than I treat my friends and offered to make a gift for her that we’ll both appreciate. Thanks you. The restaurant was pretty cool on the inside and it smelled great but I restricted my self to Simlas knowing I’d be eating later. Ray brought Dartanian who is getting huge and will end up being a big boy. He’s now just over one year old. After a couple drinks with Ray and company, I left for a B-day party.

I then went to Squigley’s for his birthday. Before I got there, I didn’t want to get off the phone so I parked my car by his house, reclined my seat and chatted away. I ended up spending about an hour like that much to the utter confusion of my friends who had seen me. It cracked me up. Squiggley had a great spread and lots of beer. I ate five deviled eggs, and some regular stuff like sandwiches, pinwheels, cheese dip, and spinach dip. We played white-trash horseshoes under the light of tiki torches and watched one of this summers most magnificent lightning displays role in over us. The margaritas were great and so were the giant dominos. When a full game was laid out it took nearly the entire basement floor. I ended the night giving a friend chinese torture. He called this afternoon to verify it actually happened - no wonder it was so easy to pin him down.

I thought I was going to throw up on the elevator this morning.

While talking on the phone last night I was getting drunk with the person on the other line. I had never done this before. I mean, I’ve had a few drinks while talking on the phone, and we all know I’ve done my fair share of drunk-dialing. But never before have I intentionally slung a bunch back knowing the person on the other end was doing the same thing. And we were doing it together. I was drinking bourbon and cokes. And I accidentally hung the phone every time I went in the kitchen to fix another.

I don’t know. It seems like things have been fairly busy around hubsville. I’ve got vacations planned, plane tickets bought, measurements taken, concert tickets bought, hotels booked, weddings, days off of work, special people to see. It’s all so far away and barreling at me at light speed at the same time. If nothing else, and it is something else, these are generally some exciting and good times for me. And the future holds more promise. Sometimes it’s tough to bring in the reigns, but most of the time I don’t want to. I’ve got lots I need to do in what appears to be the shortest/longest time, and it’s starting to weigh on me a bit, but I think it’s because I let it.

I’m kind of nervous about what I’m gonna say for my toast during my friends wedding. Does anybody have any suggestions? This one is going to be big for me.

My kickball team is a go. This one is going to be a blast.

I have lots of work I need to do. Somehow I always end up pulling it all out of my ass and getting it done. But something tells me that somehow something is gonna go wrong. This one is unjustified.

I’m taking three days off next week to have a mini tour of Southern Colorado including a wedding in Durango as well as some camping combined with a WSP show in Telluride with my craziest group of friends. This one is going to be ridiculous.

All of this is happening this month - in addition to birthdays, rehearsals, parties, dinners, and several other social events sprinkled throughout - and even bigger (and better) things planned for next month.

Weekend Highlights:
Getting paid to golf
Free beer from 1:00 PM to 8:00 PM Friday
Getting paid to drink from 1:00 to 5:00
Spending all Saturday outside
Winning The first game in the Ultimate tournament
Losing The Second Game
The worlds greatest mix CD
Free beer from 12:00 to 6:00 Saturday
Long distance pillow talk
All you can eat burritos
Power napping
Bourbon and cokes
Cigarettes in the rain
Serious lounging
Friends cooking me pasta dinner
Late night jokes around the chiminia

Weekend Lowlights:
Sprained ankle
Competitive golfing (is there such thing?)
Competitive ultimate (is there such thing?)
Hangovers
Too much sun