The last few days have been really relaxing. I know later on I’m gonna look back on this long, four day weekend and say to myself, “Damn, I could have spent those four days off way better than that now. I’d kill people for four days off in a row right now.” But regardless this is how I have spent them. Yesterday I slept in till around 10:00. I woke up in my brother’s bed. This was cause I stayed at my mom’s house overnight on Thanksgiving. This is cause I was too tired to drive home after eating a large meal of pasta with white sauce and shrimp, spinach soaked in melted butter and vinegar, garlic bread, and salad and then watching Waking Life. Waking Life is a real philosophical movie done with a really unique animation. This movie was originally filmed using real people and sets, then different artists animate the scenes by “drawing” over the top of them. It was really pretty interesting but the philosophy was sometimes hard to swallow. It was just me and my mom on Thanksgiving. In the next couple of weeks we’ll go down to my grandmas for a full on turkey dinner cause my brother and Pandy are in Hawaii. We celebrate our holidays on our own terms.

On Friday I spent the afternoon surfing the internet on my moms computer, talking on the phone with Jami, and watching Anger Management. I didn’t do hardly anything in the evening and again went to bed early. It makes me wonder if I may have caught something that might be wearing me down. When I got up this morning I went to my local coffee shop and spent a couple hours reading. Then I went to pick up my developed film and shop for digital cameras. I think I have set a price range and have a few ideas of what I want now. I IM’d with Cati a little bit this afternoon. I’m at work now cause I’m trying to get ahead for a big deadline I have in the next couple of weeks. Still no plans for the remainder of the weekend either. Sigh.

I want to stop telling the trivial, but I don’t want to stop the telling. This is becoming increasingly difficult.

Thanks for the memories.

Love,
Hubs

It has been said that Richard Wright’s writing is like a sledgehammer. If Native Son is a fair representation of the rest of his work, then I’d have to agree. It’s precise, simple, and sends a clear message that is solid, heavy, and hits hard, all with a lack of sentimentality. This is not only true of Richard Wright’s style but of his message. Granted his theory is a little abstract, but his general conception of the truth behind urban American class, race, and social relations is grounded in clear logic - white American society has responsibility for the oppression, racism, and segregation towards blacks, and if nothing is done about it, violent outrage is an definitive result. A result that has proved itself among exceedingly subjugated peoples the world throughout. It took Wright 391 pages to literally spell it out, but ultimately the story of Bigger Thomas is a story of oppression. The story and nearly all it’s main characters are aggressive, brutal and destructive each in their own way. The biblical quote at the beginning of Native Son, “Even today is my complaint rebellious, My stroke is heavier than my groaning.” from the book of Job, set the tone for the violence contained there in.

The plot involves itself with the actions of Bigger Thomas. Bigger is a young black man raised and living in Chicago’s black belt during the 1930’s. Bigger lives a life that is weighed down by poverty, racism, and fear. Bigger is a product of the injustices of society. After accepting a job as a driver for an affluent white family, Bigger finds himself in a situation where he feels no other choice but to murder the daughter of his employer. Bigger digs himself larger and larger holes by producing a falsely signed ransom note, and accusing the victims boyfriend, killing his girlfriend so she won’t rat him out (a scene that literally made my stomach drop). Bigger eventually gets found out, captured, brought to jail, and put on trial. Max, a leader in the communist party (and it is not surprising that Max is one of the only characters with any racial clarity considering Richard Wright was an active communist himself), act’s as Bigger’s lawyer. It is only after trying to explain his feeling to Max that bigger realizes that his crimes are the only thing that have given meaning and energy to his previously aimless life, and he thus he goes to his trial unrepentant. Bigger believes that if a man were reduced to such a level that his only choice was to kill another, the taking of the life must have been for a valid reason, even if that reason isn’t well understood. Thus he deals with his fate stoically. While Bigger is on trial Max explains to the courtroom that Bigger’s actions were a byproduct of his oppression and ultimate fear. It is understood that despite the horrible oppression that consumed Bigger’s life, we know that he was ultimately the one responsible for his choices. As a result the reader feels little pity for Bigger. Wright’s genius was that, in preventing us from feeling pity for Bigger, he forced us to confront the hopelessness and misery of the society that gave birth to him. It is this part of the book that gets a little caught up with rhetoric. Somewhat like the “radio speech” in Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged”, Richard Wright felt the need to pound the podium in order to drive home his point. Despite having slowed the pace of the novel a bit, it was entirely bearable (unlike Atlas Shrugged) and an important part in the understanding of Wright’s ideas.

An important book and an enjoyable read.

On Saturday nigh,t at around 11:00 PM, I got bored. I bundled up in coat, hat, and gloves and trudged through the 6″ of snow to my local haunt. The place was fairly mellow for a Saturday night. The bad weather kept the crowds at home The kitchen closed early and there was room to sit at the bar. About my second beer into the evening the power went down. Slowly. Starting at one end of the bar and fizz, fizz, fizzing, one section of lights at a time, across to the other side of the bar, past the juke box, the booths and the pool room till everything was off. Apparently somebody in the alley behind the building slid on the icy street and took out a utility pole.

Luckily, since it’s my haunt, I have a tab there without having to provide a credit card. And luckily the power outage shut the computers down. Woot! Free beer. Well, close, I still tipped the guys and paid them close to the right amount. Mostly because I’m not an asshole to people who don’t treat me like one. It was cool though because as soon as the TVs went out, and the juke box went silent, and the moody light went dark, all of those that were there for “the scene” quickly left. And those of us who didn’t want to stare at the TV, dance, play pool, or eat, all sat at the bar and actually talked to each other. Novel idea. With only candlelight and strangers, an unusually fun evening was had. However, I still left after I finished my beers.

Eleven really easy things that will make my life exponentially better:

Start:
Setting stops on all my trades
Doing more work when at work
Fixing more meals
Using my work computer for more work stuff
Calling my friends more often
Studying and researching more

Stop:
Letting my dishes sit in the sink for more that a night
Staying at work past 6:00
Eating out so often
Staying out so late
Thinking more than doing

When I woke up this morning the air inside my bedroom, outside of the warm cocoon of my covers, was cold and brisk. It was snowing outside and I had left my window open a few inches throughout the night. Now it’s snowing like crazy so I have decided not to go into the mountains and to come in and work in the office for a while and spend the day reading books and watching movies.

I spent a couple of hours last night trying to implement some new ideas for my blog and ended up messing things up and practically having to rebuild the bitch. It sucked but I’m learning stuff all the time. What good learning any of this will do me, however, will probably never be found out

My mind kept me up till 2:30 last night because it was unable to shut down. It was racing with ways to improve my life. Ways to get more satisfaction from the things I’m already doing. And new things that will help. Ideas. Developments. Systems and simplifications, and the complications caused by them. But in the end, really, I came up with noting too profound. Nothing I haven’t thought about a million times before. I’m generally very happy and high spirited. It’s a matter of breaking habits and starting new ones.

So now I sit here in my office, trying to finish up a few things work and otherwise. A warm cup oatmeal, hot mug of coffee, and tall glass of ice water in front of me. And you.

So I don’t believe I am in as bad of shape as I have expected. Oh no, I’m not talking about my health. No, just stuff in general. Or wait maybe I am. The stock market has been killing me the last two days. I’m thinking about starting an investment blog. In order to better track some of my investments and give you guys a chance to follow along and watch me get my ass kicked. I don’t know. I’ve been fairly uninspired as of recent. And to prove it, at the end of this entry I’m going to be completely unoriginal and quote a movie. On top of that, I have a sink full of dishes. I have absolutely no plans for the next two weekends. I’ve ideas without action and action without meaning. I’ve found a way to turn two days worth of work into one but I’m not letting anybody know. I may be on my way to turning in the next two weeks of work into a only few days worth. I was awarded employee of the month. Saying that makes me feel like or maybe even sound like a carpet salesman. Hmmmm. Now what was it that I needed? Oh yeah! Thanks.
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My brother lent me the movie 28 Days Later. I it watched last night and thought it was pretty good. It definitely belongs to the horror/zombie genre but I didn’t figure that out till about half way through. I was thinking it was going to be more of an apocalyptic/morality flick. I did enjoy it though. Despite the fact that I’m usually not too keen on horror movies. Fortunately this one lacked the one liners that seem to always ruin a good scary movie for me. I was warned the ending was terrible and had maybe thus given it the benefit of the doubt. I thought it was the only ending possible. The three alternate endings on the DVD basically sucked and the director and writer both admitted to it. Ain’t nothing wrong with a horror flick and a giant plate of homemade nachos for dinner.

And so I begin with the past in front. Got a couple loads of laundry done this weekend. Went to the Jones family house and celebrated their young ones first birthday. Father Jones called me this morning to thank me for coming over. I asked him why he thought he should be thanking me for coming to his party. He said his little girl’s birthday party must be pretty low on the “good times list” of a fun, single, urban male. I wonder sometimes if my friends really know who I am. I was just glad to be invited to a party and hang out with people that I like for a couple hours. And I told him that. I’ll miss him if he moves to Atlanta. I’ve known father Jones for 15 plus years. Afterward I went out to the bars and tried to fulfill my friends image of me. G&T’s were the poison of the evening. I went to the local haunt and watched the Ave’s game. Afterwards, chatted it up with a couple from Kansas. Then I wandered aimlessly around town, walking past my old residence and two old girlfriends’ houses to the bar where i met Sabrina. I hate that bar. I’m not sure why I went. I think it’s cause I wanted to walk. The nippy air felt good on my cheeks. I ran into some guy their who knew me. It took me about fifteen minutes to remember who he was, and that’s only cause he started talking about snowmobiles. I was home early.

On Sunday I went out to lunch with my Mom, my brother, and Pandy (my brothers girlfriend). We went to the Greek Town Cafe. It wasn’t that good. Pete’s is better. I’ll give it another try though. My mom bought a new car and I took it around the neighborhood for a test drive. It’s nice, a Mazda, kinda like mine but newer. Then we all went over to my brothers. We watched TV and I jabbered with Jami on the phone. Pandy fixed us 15 bean soup (I didn’t know there were 15 beans either). She is a good cook, but more just a sweetheart for fixing her boyfriends moochey brother all these great dinners. We watched a program on 60 minutes, or one of those “news magazine” shows, about sextuplets. Why is it that whenever I watch nightline or 60 minutes or whatever, they are always going back to check up on these octuplets or quintuplets or whatever? It seems like these programs are just some sort of super-baby producing and tracking networks. I stayed and watched the American Music Awards too. This was so exciting to make fun of that it was hard to change the channel. The AMA’s were terribly painful in the best sort of way. It literally felt good when they were over. And it was nice to have the release. Kind of like a good shit.

Last night, my father, my brother, his girlfriend and myself all got went to Mr. Sushi in order to celebrate Thanksgiving early because some of us will be out of town on the 27th. We ordered way too much food as is Thanksgiving tradition (or so I’ve been told). I walked out of Mr. Sushi filled to the gills (heh heh). We were the only ones in the restaurant. My father said grace before we ate and I think this is the only time I’ve ever said grace in a public place. Our family always says grace before X-mas and Thanksgiving dinners. We don’t go to church though. Dinner was a real good time and the sushi was decent. Everyone was in a real goof-off mood: joking, mocking around and laughing. One of my more enjoyable Thanksgiving dinners.

The night before last I smashed my finger in the apartment door. It didn’t hurt too bad. I mostly just ripped my skin. The heavy door ripped it good and deep, right around the knuckle. I began bleeding immediately. Actually it didn’t bleed as much as it gushed. I held my finger in my mouth, tasting the metalic saltysweet of blood mixed with saliva, until could put my keys away and get to the bathroom . I put my finger under the running sink faucet and the water was just barely able to feep up with the flow of blood. Eventually I figured to apply some pressure in order to slow the bleeding and get a bandage on. I probably needed stitches but couldn’t be bothered, a bandage would have to do. Well the cut finally stopped bleeding this morning. I’ll have a scar and this entry to remind me I’m still human.

I’m thinking this bean and green chilli burrito combined with this large spicy V8 might be a dangerous combination but I’m going for it anyway.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on the computer the last two days. I’m finally getting near a completion on my redesign and work has had me sitting in front of this piece of crap quite a bit too. In the mean time I’ve been watching a fair bit of reality TV. I watched Joe Millionaire and Average Joe on Monday. Did i really watch two hours worth of “Joe” reality? My god. And because I have had trouble getting to sleep lately, Conan O’Brian has been making me laugh out loud all by my lonesome.

A long slow boring weekend was had. Mostly cause I blew the entire weekend on a Friday night. No surprise my weekend was an extended replay of my friday night. Bang bust. My brother called me at work to let me know a friend of ours was having a birthday party and that I should come over. I went over with full intentions of staying for a couple of hours and then coming home and getting a full nights rest. That didn’t happen. I met some new people and had some decent conversations, smoked way too many cigarettes, drank out of the bottle, played tons of ping pong, and generally overindulged. Bang.

It was 6:00 AM and I was sitting on the back porch listening to this gay guy tell fabricated outragous stories about his old boyfriend when my brother came out and all but demanded I go to bed. I happily obliged. I woke up three hours later and drove home. Immediately went to sleep and didn’t wake up till 5:00 in the evening. I proceded to waste what little remained of Saturday laying on the couch flipping through channels, watching saturday night live, and eating left-overs. Bust.
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I’ve mostly just been trying to keep myself busy. Working late, running a few errands, working on this site. Blah, blah, blah. I just don’t want to go back to my apartment every night with nothing to do. I don’t want to drink cause it makes me sad. I should clean but I hate it. I returned my costume the other night. They said that Jami, Soph and myself were the only ones in our group who didn’t have an issue (ie. bad behavior, too drunk, lost costume) at the holloween party. We probably won’t be invited back there again next year. I’m glad. I must be gettin old. I specifically asked about Jami cause apparently she was yelling at a cop during some point in the evening. I’ve been staying up till at least 12:00 every night reading over the past week. I’ve almost fallen asleep with the light on a couple of times. I’m doing great at work but need to do better. I’ve got plans to go into the mountains this weekend. I discovered 10 new channels on my cable last night, including the commedy channel, the travel channel, court tv, and another spanish speaking one. I can’t remember what the other ones were. I’ve finished all the leftovers from last weeks indulgances.