This Is Going To Be Hard
It went well. I guess it went as good as it could go. It’s hard. And emotional. But it’s the best thing.
I heard from my mom that my Grandma’s behavior had become peculiar. I called her the next night. Her words were a little slurred, she seemed really tired, and after talking shortly about thanksgiving plans she aimlessly stated, “I’m glad you found the groceries.” I had no idea what she was talking about.
Later that night I got a call from Helga, my Grandmothers neighbor. She had been over to my Grandmother’s house when she began asking about where her husband was, my long dead Grandfather. I got a list of medications my grandmother had on the kitchen table from Helga.
The next morning I called my mother with the list of medications. My mother called my Grandmother’s doctor. Two hours later my mother called me from the car telling me she was going to taking my Grandmother to the hospital.
That night I got a call from my mother. “There’s no need to come down to the hospital. You won’t be able to help down here.” she said.
My brother and I cut out of work early on Friday and went to visit assisted living facilities. We learned a lot. And felt a lot more comfortable about what we had to do. About how my Grandmothers life is going to / has changed. We visited some really nice places and some real shitholes. We spent most of Saturday doing the same thing. Meanwile, the hospital had was running a battery of tests with no definite conclusions: MRI, urinalysis, blood work, CAT scan and others. It wasn’t her medication or the small fall she took a couple of weeks ago (though, if she had a predisposition the fall may have progressed things). The doctors simply expressed she was 92 years old. This is what happens at 92. They lose themselves. And it’s sad because, along the way, we lose them too.
Sunday we went over to my mom’s house to discuss our options and go over brochures for the places that we visited.
On Monday my mom called telling me that her condition may be worse than expected and she will most likely need more help than we had originally assumed. Assisted living wouldn’t be able to provide the care that she needed. She would have to be in a secure environment - most likely an Alzheimer’s unit. Our choices were now narrowed down to two places we liked.
This afternoon we moved her into the place we liked best. We showed her around, pointing out things we thought were cool: the two cockatoos by the kitchen table, the jewelry box that sits out on the table for everyone to wear when they want to feel pretty, the nice courtyard, the room filled with chachki and do-dads, tactile things used to spark memories, and the little collie named molly who hangs out with everyone during the day. Mom, Grandma, my brother and myself sat down at one of the facilities tables for lunch. She was quiet as usual but seemed pretty lucid. She likes my hair curly but she had trouble grasping that this is where she’ll be living now. At one point my Grandmother spaced out while looking in my direction and I saw vacancy in her eyes. I had to turn away and watch the two cockatoo’s to keep from crying. It just wasn’t the right time to cry. This is going to be hard.
1 jg Says:
i think it would be difficult for anything to be as hard as what your family is going through with your grandmother. alzheimer’s is horrible. my grandmother’s sister had it. my best to you and your family, hubs.
2 teahouseblossom Says:
Aw, Hubs. I’m praying for you and your family. It’ll be ok. Your grandmother is so lucky to have all of you there with her.
3 Shmeder Says:
I’m sorry to hear about your Grandma. I hope that the upcoming days get better for you as you accept (or at least get used to) the changes in your Grandma’s condition. XOXO… K
Even though this entry was probably tough to write I thought it was beautiful.
4 Satan™ Says:
I know what you’re going through. Brandy’s grandma has it and she remembers me about a third of the time. At least you took the right precautions in getting help for her. My own grandmother nearly passed away during a recent heart valve replacement, and it’s been hard, so if you need a shoulder, I got a couple for you.
5 cindy Says:
I’m sorry to hear about your Grandmother. It’s so sad when that happens to those you love.
6 little spanish eddie Says:
hubs, my most sincerest condolences to you and your family. i know these things are very hard to deal with, let alone write about.
i don’t know what else to say, except i’ll be praying for you all.
7 Argentum Says:
My sympathies. Its a sad part of life for us all.
8 isabella Says:
I like that they have animals there. Animals handle some very natural human things much better than humans and i hope they comfort your Grandma.
9 Michelle Says:
I’m sorry. We’ve been thru the same with my Grandma-in-law. It’s so hard…so sad that the many beautiful memories are fading.
10 dave Says:
The waiting game now… that’s the worst part. Especially the guilt I felt when I was relieved it was over… My thoughts are with you, Hubs.
If and when you feel like you’re up to it…I–and maybe some of your other readers, by the sound of it–would be interested in your opinions on the places you visited specifically–it may help some of us who will soon be going through the same things with our loved ones…
11 Lita Says:
Your grandma is lucky to have family that loves her as much as you obviously do.
12 ginni Says:
thanks for writing this.
13 lux Says:
Oh… I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma. I hate how things like this happen so suddenly- and around the holidays too. It’s good that you and your mom and brother have each other.
14 hubs Says:
thanks for all your warm thought peeps. i’m gonna need them more going forward but they sure do feel good now. thanks guys.