Casting Call

I’ve never been afraid to talk about my favoritism toward the “reality” style of television. My interest in them has spanned all genres and styles. So it may come as no surprise that I would actually try out for one. Well, I never thought I would, but it might not surprise you.

Yesterday, G and I went down to the Teatro Hotel to try out for the travel channels new “1000 Places To Visit Before You Die” show. Both G & I are well traveled and have few serious responsibilities, so this looked like a great opportunity for us. You know, quit work and travel the world for four months on somebody elses bill. This was right up our alley.

Now I am well experienced with casting calls – I went through two very arduous tryouts for the Littleton Children’s Theatre at the tender young age of six or seven, where I proved my talent in order to win demanding roles as a goober pea in Brer Rabbit, and a punk-robot-type-thingy in some play I have nearly no recollection of (Thank God). Despite my expansive experience in “the industry” we bombed yesterdays casting call.

I don’t consider myself ugly really, but I didn’t know that the casting call went out to all the modeling agencies in Denver. Yikes. Everyone waiting around in the lobby was so perfect it made me want to puke. These were all actual TV type of people with headshots and “representatives”. But the best part is when we went in for the interview.

“Sit closer, take off your coats, we want to see what you look like” I was just hoping they wouldn’t make me spin around.

They asked us a series of questions that were relatively easy to answer and then they stumped us with this one, “What do you guys have to offer the show? You know, you would be the hosts, why would people want to watch you?”

G and I just turned and stared at each other blankly. Finally I blurted out something about being smart, and quick witted, and able to think on our toes. It was one of my worst displays of “thinking on my toes” ever. I continued to blab for what seemed like forever. It was more like my toes were doing the thinking. After jammering-on for about two minutes too long, G said something that finally shut me up. I can’t remember what she said because I was so dumbfounded I have blacked it out from my memory.

Then they got us with this one, “Where would you guys like to travel?” G said Africa and then started talking about some sort of Angelina Jolie type of stuff about culture and saving the world type of crap. Then I said, “Well my answer would be something of the opposite.” Here, they seemed to light up, thinking there might be some sort of good dynamic or drama that our relationship could add to their show. I quickly deflated their hopes by following up with, “I would like to go to Malaysia or Indonesia cause I just want to lay on the beach the whole time.”

I could just imagine what kind of ratings they would get by broadcasting my skinny, pasty body laying awkwardly in an uncomfortable beach chair occasionally dipping into the ocean to get the sand off my ass. 30 minutes of that. That’s what I told them I wanted.

For the rest of the interview I babbled incessantly while G tried to recover from how horribly everything was going. Not surprisingly, it was a short interview. Expect to see us in the very first episode where they show all of the idiots who tried out but are laughably under-qualified.

9 thoughts to “Casting Call”

  1. Props to you for even trying out! Honestly, if they don’t pick you two, I probably wouldn’t want to watch it anyway…not that I watch reality stuff to begin with, but now I definitely WON’T watch if you and G aren’t chosen as the hosts.

    Btw, head shots?? I took a PERFECT headshot of you at the Drew’s concert Saturday night 🙂

  2. man, that’s funny. joel’s gf and my friend pez were going to try out for it but they didn’t even finish the applications. so i was driving joel and ariel around showing them neighborhoods and ariel wanted to stop by the teatro to try out. i drop them off in front to find some parking, and no sooner do i get out of the truck they are already outside again and ariel asks me “do want to go on tv with me?” because joel didn’t want to and i just say “no not really” and that was that so we went to my brother’s bar for burgers, o-rings, and a pitcher of beer.

  3. Kath, I don’t think headshots-with-bumperstickers-on-your-forehead mean much to them.

    Much the same LSE, we consoled ourselves with beer and philly cheesesteaks afterwards.

  4. Ha! I watch a lot of reality television and it’s ALL ABOUT pasty guys doing awkward shit! Well, except for MTV, I guess, but to have a chance there you could always try for a head injury and go tanning for a while.
    I want to be on The Amazing Race, but since I get all riled up just sitting on my couch watching it, I cant imagine how badly I’d come off when Eli and I are in an airport in Russia somewhere trying to race for a flight and some ticket dude tells me “No-ski!” and I have to slap him in the face with my clue. My truest reason for wanting to be on the show, even though it would tear my relationship apart, is because I want to throw myself at Phil. That man is smokin dork hot (and also pasty and awkward)

    If you don’t watch The Amazing Race, ignore that last paragraph. Or ignore it anyway.

  5. From the other side of the reality TV fence (except for Dog the Bounty Hunter. Best. Show. Ever.) I can safely say that I hope they decide to broadcast those interviews with the show. I’d watch it then, becasue your story sounded hilarious.

  6. Ha – that’s good stuff Hubs.

    Ok – so now looking back at it, I bet you have all sorts of things your guys could of / should of said? What would you say if you had it to do over again?

    How bout this, when you’re rambling on and G interrupts you – you just look at her and say, “shut up B!tch, I’m speaking now!” That would have got you on the show for sure 🙂

  7. Jaeme – I’m glad us pasty awkward guys are able to keep your attention for a halfhour. Or at least you’re not turning us off. Or were not turning you off. This sentence is getting wierd, I’ll stop now.

    Dave – Are you talking about household pets looking for paper towels?

    Mark – Haha. That probably would have gotten us the hosting job but I would have hell to pay when we started traveling (or, starting when we walked out of the interview).

  8. Hey, that’s cool that you tried out for that show. It does look like a good one.

    I’m partial to “Top Chef” but I haven’t really gotten into much else in the realty tv show genre.

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