Denver Is Drunk. Really, Really Drunk

Denver makes the nasty list again, and I’m not sure I should be proud or ashamed (mostly ashamed). That is to say – I love that Denver knows how to party, I hate that we can’t do it responsibly.

Men’s Health magazine graded each state on the deadliness of it’s drunkards and Denver ranked first. The listing took into account death rates due to alcoholic liver disease, how many citizens regularly down five or more drinks in a sitting (CDC), drunk-driving arrests (FBI), the percentage of fatal accidents involving intoxicated motorists (U.S. Department of Transportation). and the MADD report card of state efforts to cut down on excessive drinking. This is how the report card shook out:
100 Denver, CO – F
99 Anchorage, AK – F
98 Colorado Springs, CO – F
97 Omaha, NE – F
96 Fargo, ND – F
95 San Antonio, TX – F
94 Austin, TX – F
93 Fresno, CA – F
92 Lubbock, TX – F
91 Milwaukee, WI – F

90 El Paso, TX F
89 Spokane, WA F
88 Washington, DC F
87 Columbia, SC F
86 St. Louis, MO D-
85 Bakersfield, CA D-
84 San Diego, CA D
83 Cheyenne, WY D
82 Aurora, CO D
81 Houston, TX D
80 Portland, OR D
79 Seattle, WA D
78 Boise, ID D
77 Tucson, AZ D+
76 Dallas, TX D+
75 Jacksonville, FL D+
74 Toledo, OH D+
73 Madison, WI D+
72 Oakland, CA D+
71 Modesto, CA D+
70 Billings, MT D+
69 Fremont, CA D+
68 Oklahoma City, OK D+
67 San Francisco, CA D+
66 Sacramento, CA D+
65 Los Angeles, CA D+
64 Phoenix, AZ D+
63 Albuquerque, NM D+
62 Chicago, IL D+
61 Providence, RI D+
60 Fort Wayne, IN C-
59 Manchester, NH C-
58 Charleston, WV C-
57 Burlington, VT C-
56 Lincoln, NE C-
55 Corpus Christi, TX C-
54 Des Moines, IA C-
53 Indianapolis, IN C-
52 Pittsburgh, PA C-
51 Honolulu, HI C-
50 St. Paul, MN C
49 Tampa, FL C
48 Greensboro, NC C
47 Las Vegas, NV C
46 Baltimore, MD C
45 Riverside, CA C
44 Norfolk, VA C
43 Detroit, MI C+
42 Arlington, TX C+
41 Grand Rapids, MI C+
40 San Jose, CA C+
39 St. Petersburg, FL C+
38 Nashville, TN C+
37 Charlotte, NC C+
36 Wilmington, DE C+
35 Orlando, FL C+
34 Minneapolis, MN C+
33 Kansas City, MO C+
32 Fort Worth, TX C+
31 Tulsa, OK C+
30 Anaheim, CA B-
29 Wichita, KS B-
28 Lexington, KY B-
27 Philadelphia, PA B-
26 Montgomery, AL B-
25 Rochester, NY B-
24 Raleigh, NC B
23 Cincinnati, OH B
22 Louisville, KY B
21 Bangor, ME B
20 Memphis, TN B
19 Boston, MA B
18 Hartford, CT B+
17 Sioux Falls, SD B+
16 Birmingham, AL B+
15 Baton Rouge, LA B+
14 Columbus, OH B+
13 Cleveland, OH B+
12 Atlanta, GA B+
11 Newark, NJ B+
10 Jersey City, NJ B+
9 Richmond, VA B+
8 New York, NY B+
7 Little Rock, AK A-
6 Salt lake City, UT A-
5 Yonkers, NY A-
4 Jackson, MS A
3 Buffalo, NY A
2 Miami, FL A
1 Durham, NC A+

4 thoughts to “Denver Is Drunk. Really, Really Drunk”

  1. I am not terribly surprised about Denver (except that it beat Fresno. Have you ever been to Fresno? It MAKES you use substances.) but Colorado Springs? Really? That is a SHOCK.

  2. I have never been to Fresno but it has just now made my list of places i must visit!

    Aurora is pretty close to the top of that list too (the drunk list, not my places i must visit list. i spent too much time in aurora the way it is.).

  3. In Fresno, if you want to by tin-foil for the kitchen, you have to show up at the store at 5 am, before all the crack-heads get there and buy/shoplift the stock dry.

    I didn’t believe it, either, until I needed tin-foil.

    It is a pit of despair. With excellent produce.

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