feelings

Nervio

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I like words with complex or interesting meanings that have no counterparts in English. A few years ago I stumbled across the word Nervio and loved the definition so much that I try to use it whenever I can. Roberto Greco describes it this way:

Shortly after meeting my wife, she introduced me to the nuanced meaning that the Spanish word nervio had acquired in the lexicon of her family. As used in their Chilean home, the word could be defined as a feeling of such intense affection that one trembles or grits his teeth with restraint so as not to harm the object of his affection. I have heard others allude to the sensation in seemingly bizarre phrases such as, “It’s so cute [that] I want to squeeze it to death.”

Nervio was a sensation I have felt so many times in my life I was shocked that I had not, up until that point, seen a word that describes it. Nervio brings to mind phrases like, “I’m gonna squeeze you right in two” and, “Oh, I could just eat you with a spoon.” Nervio is why I am constantly threatening to nibble on my children’s toes. It’s a physical and emotional sensation that sits in the gut and wells up through you. The Robert Capa portrait, below, of Pablo Picasso with his son Claude does a good job of depicting the sensation with an image.

Nervio

There has been some psychological research experiments to determine where nervio comes from but there are still a lot of unanswered questions.

Faithful Friends Who Were Dear To Us, Will Be Near To Us No More

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“Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” is probably my favorite Christmas song simply because of its emotional ambivalence. It resonates closely with so many of the feelings I have around the Christmas season. The lyrics open up that uneasy longing for that unattainable ideal of Christmas that so many of us want. The holidays can be hard.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
It may be your last
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Pop that champagne cork
Next year we may all be living in New York
No good times like the olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us no more
But at least we all will be together
If the Lord allows
From now on, we’ll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

My emotions during the holidays weigh heavily. Christmastime brings a contemplative melancholia that I actually revel in, and there is a wistful type of comfort in accepting this. In knowing that the season is steeped in nostalgia and want for a better time and place. In accepting that my memories will grow a little dimmer with the passing of the year. In acknowledging that our world can be unraveled, changed, and built back up with little of our own control. In understanding that friends, family, or loved ones are gone from our lives – for good. I feel akin with the folks who recognize that Christmas can be complicated, emotionally irresolute, and inherently blue.
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Noteworthy Tumblr #5: Table For One

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Table For One is simple. It has a white background, photos of people eating alone, a title, and that’s about it. However, it elicits some strong feelings from people.

The tumblr didn’t evoke any negative emotions from me, maybe because I eat alone so often. I enjoy eating by myself. You can’t forget that just because you are at a table for one, it doesn’t mean you are alone.


Photo credit: Jerry Hsu

Fear Heirarchy

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Below is Jan Pettit’s wonderful poem “Fear Hierarchy” printed in its entirety.

Fear Hierarchy

1. Fear of the dark
    Under the bed.
    Inside the closet.
    Between leap and landing (floor to bed).
    (Related) Long arm reaching out from under bed.
2. Fear of separation
    Lost in a crowd (accidental).
    Lost in a crowd (on purpose).
    Lost in the woods (either).
3. Fear of abandonment
    Parents dying.
    Parents divorcing.
    One parent moving.
    Parents remarrying.
4. Fear of wicked stepparent
5. Fear of pee accidents
    In school.
    In bed.
    In friend’s bed.
6. Fear of bras
    Needing one.
    Not needing one.
    Anyone looking closely enough to know.
7. Fear of menstrual period
    Getting it.
    Not getting it.
    Surprise attack.
8. Fear of embarrassment
    Wrong clothes.
    Wrong hair.
    Wrong glasses.
    Wrong body.
    Wrong mother.
9. Fear of Getting Pregnant
10. Fear of rejection
    By friends.
    By boyfriend.
    By colleges.
11. Fear of being found out
12. Fear of not getting work
    Not paying student loans.
    Not paying bills.
13. Fear of selling out
    Deserting dreams.
    Embracing capitalism.
14. Fear of the dark (continued)
    Parking lots at night.
    Deserted streets at night.
    Apartments at night.
    Houses at night.
    Bedrooms at night.
15. Fear of rejection (continued)
    By lovers.
    By bosses.
    By friends.
16. Fear of being unloved
17. Fear of being unlovable
18. Fear of having married the wrong person
19. Fear of not getting pregnant
20. Fear of mortality
    Parents’ mortality.
    Spouse’s mortality.
    Signs of mortality.
    Cancer.
21. Fear of childbirth
22. Fear of losing a child
    To crib death.
    To falling down stairs.
    To a head injury.
    To bathtub.
    To a bicycle accident.
    To a car accident.
    To a playground accident.
    To a freak accident.
    To pneumonia.
    To cancer.
    To a thousand kinds of cancer.
    To a pedophile.
    To a kidnapper.
    To a babysitter.
    To a stranger.
    To a tick bite.
    To a bad heart.
    To thin ice.
    To a swimming pool.
    To falling rocks.
    To drugs.
    To gun violence.
    To poor judgment.
    To sport.
    To a dare.
    To driving.
    To driving drunk.
    To heartbreak.
    To childbirth.

The Booty-Call And The Acts Involved Therein

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A study recently published online in the Journal of Sex Research titled “Positioning the Booty-Call Relationship on the Spectrum of Relationships: Sexual but More Emotional Than One-Night Stands” investigates the nature of the acts engaged in during a booty-call. The study aimed to (a) examine the types of emotional and sexual acts involved in booty-call relationships and (b) compare the frequency of those acts to one-night stands and serious long-term relationships

Acts that are more characteristic of some degree of emotional intimacy (e.g., kissing on the lips) were most common in serious relationships but were also committed frequently in the context of booty-call relationships. This also suggests that part of the nature of booty-call relationships contains some degree of emotional intimacy.

The table below shows the frequency each individual sexual/emotional act within in each particular relationship type

[table id=3 /]

Not surprisingly, the researchers found that the booty-call relationship is more closely aligned with casual-sex relationships than serious long-term relationships. For instance, there was a positively correlation with the tendency to leave immediately after sex for booty-call relationships and one-night stands, but not for serious romantic relationships. However, the booty-call isn’t strictly sexual.

Booty-call relationships appear to be characterized by a combination of emotional (e.g., kissing on the lips) and sexual (e.g., penile-vaginal sex) acts. Emotional acts are of particular importance to demonstrate that booty-call relationships are distinct from one-night stands. One-night stands occur a single time, where sexual gratification is paramount and emotional feelings or acts are rather absent (Fisher & Byrne, 1978). In contrast, booty-call relationships have the longevity to explore other aspects and interests of the individuals’ sexuality.

In addition, the stunted emotional aspect combined with the longer time-horizons associated with the booty-call can be correlated to greater sexual exploration (teh butt seks!) than is allowed for in one-night stands.

we found that booty-call relationships were characterized by higher levels of kissing, in general, as well as manual and anal sex than in one-night stands. It may be that the limited time that characterizes one-night stands forces individuals to prioritize a small number of sex acts, or it may be that they do not feel comfortable making sexual requests for less common acts because they might lead to a global rejection and, therefore, to no sex at all. In the relatively less temporary and more acquainted context of booty-call relationships, individuals may have the freedom to explore their sexuality more because they have more time and less fear of being entirely rejected.

Also of interest, the researchers also made an attempt to determine why leaving immediately afters sex was so much common among booty-calls than one-night stands or long-term relationships.

By minimizing acts that are emotionally intimate and leaving after sex, partners may effectively prevent booty-call relationships from turning into committed, long-term relationships.

Similarly, individuals were more likely to leave after sex in the context of booty-call relationships than one-night stands. This may be because there is an implicit under standing between one-night stand partners that the nature of the relationship is casual and temporary, whereas the repeated encounters for booty-call relationship partners requires such a strategy to maintain the quasi-sexual nature of booty-call relationships.

If your interested in reading the entire study, you can download it here.

Andrew WK: Harm

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Despite all the rumors Andrew WK is human after all. Or at least his persona is had the all-too-familiar angst/lust/confusion of a typical 17 year old. He recently published an article in the Gaurdian about obsessive feelings he had towards his girlfriend and how he ended up expressing those feelings through song. A song that ended up leading to a juvenile restraining order.

It turned out that the assistant to the head of school got a copy of my song on cassette and gave it to the girl I had a crush on. This was probably the worst thing that had ever happened in my life. She heard the song and was completely freaked out. Within three days, every kid in school had a copy. She told her friends, teachers and parents: “This guy at school is stalking me and threatening my life.” She played them the song and they called the police.

The song is actually pretty good for a crazed 17 year-old. Have a listen (The lyrics can be found below th fold) and then go read Andrew’s full account of the embarrassing event:

Andrew WK – Harm

Also, yes I’m very aware that this story is likely not true and simply part of the Andrew WK “project” (marketing machine) and is simply just a story. For that, I may actually appreciate it even more.
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A Lifetime In 10 Weeks

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The last couple of months have been pretty crazy/amazing/profound. So much has happened that, I’ll probably never remember it all, and truthfully, that doesn’t bother me. In some ways I have a tinge of regret for not having taken the time to write it all down as it happened or shortly there after. If not just so I have it archived somewhere. But in reality, some of it I don’t know how to write about – i don’t have the words to fit the experience. Some of it I don’t care about. And some of it I simply don’t care to remember.

So instead I’m going to cop-out and make a list of some of the major and minor events of the past 10 weeks in no particular order and just leave it at that. I can only hope my life remains as eventful and that I take the time to write about it afterward.

I went to my first honky tonk.
I saw Built To Spill play again.
I’ve been to the hospital three times for three different individuals. Two of them in the emergency room. One fatal.
I met family members I have never met before and most likely will never meet again.
I spent a long weekend at my timeshare in Vail.
I went to a mini-family reunion and ski vacation in Breckenridge.
I suffered through a 150-hour work week.
I took a full week vacation.
A loved one died in my arms. It was probably one of the most weighty and profound experiences in my life to this point.
I did my time in the back of a cop car in Henryetta, Oklahoma.
I had the pleasure of staying in a giant mountain mansion with six bedrooms, four bathrooms, two hot tubs, and ski in ski out access.
My car was hit by a kid who had his drivers license for a measly two days. He ended up totaling his car a week later.
I Was invited over by complete strangers for a mardi gras party/steak dinner.
Somehow fit in about eight days of skiing.
Saw a friend who I haven’t seen since his wedding.
The kitchen remodel was completed.
Mom came to town for a visit.
A few birthday parties were celebrated.
I got fall down drunk with a co-worker.
And lots of other various sundriness and ephemera.

Mood Views

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LiveJournal is one of several simple-to-use personal publishing (“blogging”) tools. Bloggers using LiveJournal can report their mood at the time of writing a post; about 80% of the posts indeed have a mood attached to them. MoodViews is a collection of tools for tracking the stream of mood-annotated text made available by LiveJournal and has lot of cool tools to visualize the mood of the LiveJournal.

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